Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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