sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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