R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
