It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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