____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
