You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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