Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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