oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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