i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
