I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
