The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
