She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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