...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
