Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
