I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
