we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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