There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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