so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
