Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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