tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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