ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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