We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
