im drinking this country out of the recession.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were trust falling into bushes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
