Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
