U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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