drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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