its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
