he laminated a picture of his dick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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