Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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