Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
