My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
