I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
