Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
