the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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I smell like Dick and happiness
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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