We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
