What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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