so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
