I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
