I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
