Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
