Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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