i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
