i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
