Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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