Plan B is the new Plan A
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
