I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
