Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
