if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
