forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
