I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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