I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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