I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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