Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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