i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
not ubering you a puppy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
