Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
no you cant smoke seaweed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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