I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
