god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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