one two three fourrrrnication!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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