Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
