I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
