just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
