for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As shirtless as possible
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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