Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there was a trapeze. enough said
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
