I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
