I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
