wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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