Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
