I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she told me i tasted like america
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
