So drunk its hurt
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
