i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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