why do cheetos always look like penises
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
