I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found your dick twin last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
