i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
