He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
