Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
